WRITING

RICHARD

Photo by www.steinberg-photography.com

“Stuck in the middle” & “The beginning of the end or trauma vortex”

 Again, as with a lot my work, these 2 poems were written after therapy sessions, and both at a time where I felt I was stuck.

As you can see, “The beginning of the end or trauma vortex” is actually 2 titles.  I couldn’t decide what it should be called, so left it as it was… maybe a sign of my mind at the time!  I had actually gone into what is called a “trauma vortex” during this particular session… not the most pleasant of places to go, but useful. 

Once you’ve been in it, you can start to understand it and then start to heal.

STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

 There you are and you are here

And I’m sat in company with my fear

This way, that way – feel the pull

Hard to listen – play the fool

So many times been in this place

No more chances – need to face

Whatever is out there – destiny

Feel my spirit set me free

Wondering how to solve this riddle

Coz right now I’m stuck in the middle

(C)  Richard Rhodes  15^th July 2005

“Garden”

This is a poem written about bullying.  I was bullied as a child at school and wanted to write something related to this and came up with this piece.

Bullying is a terrible thing and the people that inflict it don’t realise at the time what pain and suffering they are putting on their victim.  You can work through what has happened to you and come out stronger at the end, but it is always there somewhere inside you... you just learn to understand and come to terms with what went on. 

I encourage everyone to read this poem - bullies so that they can hopefully have an understanding of the pain they are inflicting and stop,  and the people getting bullied as a symbol of hope for them.  You can make it stop and you can come out ok at the other end.  I did.

GARDEN

 They no longer exist as people I see

Yet still remain in my mind and body

The weight I can’t carry – the hurt that’s inside

The dis-comfort, dis-ease I can no longer hide

Their words and their actions fell down like the rain

Onto a water-clogged football pitch sodden with pain

Never drying, still wet, soaking up sorrow

No new grass to grow, no hope of tomorrow

A barren land which offered no home

For the many seeds that were scattered and sown

A garden once beautiful now covered by a wall

Neglected, forgotten, but through it all

Some seeds remained hidden deep in the earth

Germinating slowly, awaiting their birth

And now as I look through the cracks that appear

The earth it is harder, more fertile, I am here

Colours that were once dreamt about spring to life

While the sun shines lovingly down making everything bright

Their words and their actions can no longer hurt me

And although I am stronger they will never desert me

For it will rain again, of that I am sure

But I’ll weather the storm in my garden standing tall

It may trickle away, it may make me smile

It could stay for a spell, or it may stay a while

And if it does- then let it be so

For the bright warm rays of the sun will dry it away – this much I know

 ©   Richard Rhodes  2004

“Sing your own Song”

This was another poem that was channeled whilst I was in New York.  It was done a week after Soul Song.

THE BEGINNING OF THE END

OR

TRAUMA VORTEX

Things are starting to end

And the beginning is starting to happen

I feel like a basket woven of paper

Being dipped intermittently in a pool of water

Each time I absorb more and it is only a matter

Of time before I collapse under the weight I take on

Floating in an abyss of nothingness

Every fear and doubt magnified

Like a kamikaze pilot I fly head first into my fears

But I’m alive, surviving the wreckage

Like a fish out of water

Still flapping, can’t swim

My minds changed too later

I’ve already jumped in

 Thurs 11^th August 2005

 ©  Richard Rhodes 2005

“Yes”

This poem was written back in 2001.  I distinctly remember it as I had just made my 1^st appearance on GMTV.  I was so excited but when I got home and watched the tape I was shocked.  The way I saw myself on the screen was not how I wanted to appear.  I hated the way I looked, how I sounded, the way I was too camp… just everything.  As this had been seen by most of the country, I locked myself indoors for the whole day and wrote this poem.  The last line says it all really.  If you can look past all that superficiality and see the real person for who they are then what’s the problem? We live in such a superficial world these days, that the real beauty of people gets blinded by the overpowering light of falseness.

YES

 Funny how it seems

All your hopes and all your dreams

Then crashing to the ground

And there’s no-one else around

How I long just to be held

Safe in the arms of someone I love

To hear them say that it’s alright

And what I do is enough

Wondering how I came across

People’s perceptions – did I get lost?

One minute so high, the next so low

As reality and fear become my greatest foe

I did what I do and I was who I am

Why can’t I just accept it why should I give a damn?

I want to tell the world that it’s ok to be yourself

To look to me for strength and courage but do I believe myself?

Can I really do this – am I ready for the test?

Well I look past all the crap – the answer is a yes!

©  Richard Rhodes 2001

 “I wonder where you are”

Another poem from the New York days. I like this one… a little love poem.  I was doing coat check one night and was bored so decided to write.  I was watching a table which had a couple on it obviously in love.  I went off into my fantasy head and wondered where my “future lover” was at that point.

I WONDER WHERE YOU ARE

I wonder where you are tonight

Who you’re with and how you’re feeling

What you’re doing

And of who you are thinking

Maybe you too are wondering where I am

What I’ll be like and if I’ll turn you on

And when the day comes that I finally see you

I’ll read you these lines

And know I was writing about you

©  Richard Rhodes 2001

SING YOUR OWN SONG

 This is the story about a little boy

He had his own choices but he had no joy

He thought it was his fault

He thought he’d done it all wrong

But he went on singing his own song

He was wrapped up in everyone’s business, not his own

He had lost his own vision

And he had lost where his home was

But then he got connected and saw what he must do

And with that in mind became what you see in front of you

And he sang his own song

He made up all the words

And he made all the rhythm from different sounds that he had heard

And he danced around the fire and people heard his songs

And then he knew he had done something to bring these people along

He sang his own song and he sang night and day

And he sang wherever he could

And when he sang he would play

And as he played and he sang and he danced around the moon

All the people that saw him knew that they had to be there soon

So they all joined in and created their own sound

When the sounds were together they hit the earth and the ground

And then energies from within them all soared up to the sky

And we raised ourselves with voices

We raised ourselves real high, because we’re singing our own song

It’s the only thing we can do, because we have it all inside us There is nothing else to do.

So just sing your own song and join with everyone

And we will bring some light into this promised land.

 ©  Richard Rhodes 2001

The final 3 were originally written as songs, but I wanted to have them in here because of the content.

“Piccadilly Day” was written when I lived at a place called “The Piccadilly”  I had decided to stop and take a day out for myself.  The window overlooked a busy square, so I observed the people all day and wrote the song.  It’s basically saying how important it is to take time out for yourself.

“Stimulation”

One of my latest poems... I was really angry and fed up with the gay scene that I was in the middle of and so decided to vent my thoughts!  I finished the 1^st piece and it took a while until I completed the 2^nd.  Quite a rare thing for me.  Most of my poems are completed in one go.  Have a read and see how you feel……

STIMULATION

 I’m angry, fed up, tired and frustrated

This scene that I’m in is so overrated

The way that you look, what you wear, how’s your hair

And of course what you’ve got going on down there

In the bars and the clubs, it’s always the same

Look them up and down as if they don’t have a name

Checking out the size of his chest and his packet

Making sure he’s got a D&G on his jacket

The only thing here going on that is bent

Is throwing up all your hard earnt cash you’ve just spent

Does anyone notice, do you see what I see

Do we no longer acknowledge personality

A decent conversation is what I am yearning

I don’t want to look over and see someone who’s gurning

Looking at me like he don’t know where he’s at

I’m tired of this bullshit, I don’t need all this crap

So you can take all your powders, liquids and pills

Coz they do nothing for me, they no longer thrill

Doing the same thing week after week

How much do you need to get high till you tweak

Spending all week in the gym getting ripped

Then O.D on G and your body has a fit

Wake up, look around and you don’t recognise the place

Or the person staring back at you, no expression on his face

One minute you’re fine, the next it’s all blackened

You try and you try but can’t recall what’s just happened

How scary is that it’s really insane

So you do another hit just to numb the pain

It’s like a soap opera, should be listed under fiction

But in reality it’s just one big contradiction

I’ve got to get out, I need to awaken

I need something new, I need stimulation.

PICCADILLY DAY

Needing to take a day

A day to get away

Seeing the man on the corner alone with nothing to sell

Need to take a day

I won’t go to work all day

Does it matter what people say?

I need to find, to unwind, I need this day to be mine

So yes, I’m having a day

What went on today

I could but I’d rather not say

I lived for the moment, was free, I was me, was nobody else

I took a day for myself

Another day’s gone by watch the stars as they fill up the sky

I’ll pass the man on the corner who’s sat with his dog by his side

A knowing man who’s seen

And he’ll ask how my day has been

And I’ll smile at him and say

I’ve had a Piccadilly day.

 23/05/05

 ©   Richard Rhodes

“It ain’t easy being yourself” came about while I was on the tube!  I had no pen or paper, just a bunch of words in my head and I was in between stations! As soon as the tube stopped I rushed out and got a pen and a piece of receipt roll from the nearest underground shop and scribbled away until all the worlds were down.  When the receipt roll ran out I peeled off the label from my water bottle and used that!  Anyway, it’s all about what the title suggests.  The only way you can be truly happy is to be yourself.

IT AINT EASY BEING YOURSELF

It aint easy being yourself

Told to be like everybody else

But the greatest thing that you can do

Is to not listen to everyone

Be yourself and love you for you

It aint easy being me

Don’t know what to be

Who I am – or who I could be

Need to find courage inside

That will keep my soul alive – set me free

Trust the voice within

And then you will begin to be you

Let them say you’re crazy different or mad

It’s better than being miserable or sad

Don’t waste the time you’re given

Make today the day to start livin’

It aint easy being yourself

Told to be like everybody else

But the greatest thing that you can do

Is to not listen to anyone

Be yourself and love you for you

 16.05.04

©  Richard Rhodes 2004

“I Can’t believe it’s you”  was written about death.  In my teenage years, I had a couple of deaths with people close to me and this was the first time I had ever had to deal with dying, and as with most things then, if I couldn’t express it physically, I wrote about it.  I hope anyone who is going through the same thing now will read this and can find some inner peace.

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S YOU

The one’s I’ve loved and know for years

Seem wiped away just like my tears

The memories come floating back

We have the soul it’s the body we lack

I won’t forget the day you left

So many words that just weren’t said

And as we lower you to the ground

For a certain faith we look around

Don’t expect me to understand

I only want to take your hand

Oh please, please don’t go away

Take a look at me now

For I need to know how

I can’t believe it’s you

Need to understand why

Wipe the tears that I cry

I can’t believe it’s you

It’s you – no no

Sometimes when I’m feeling down

I see your face and look around

Understanding all my thoughts

This is the way my lessons are taught

And as I feel you drawing near

Emotions start to push my tears

And even though you’re far away

I know that we will meet again someday

Ashes to ashes

Dust to dust

What is this thing that commands us

Breaking us down into the earth

And sends our souls to the universe

I can’t believe it’s you

©   Richard Rhodes 2001

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